Trying to find some solace.
I leave for Syracuse MEPS in about 36 hours. Can't sleep tonight, so I'm up reading OSUT/BCT journals and such to try to get a feel for what it's like. I always try to quell nerves with information; the unknown fucks with me if I have a lot of free time to think about it.
It strikes me just how much perception must influence the Basic experience. This one guy makes it sound like absolute hell, and while I'm sure it's hard, I've just run across this part of the journal that leads me to believe he's a pretty soft guy. I don't consider myself hard, but I've been through some shit, and I'm praying it has tempered my mind some. I've heard too many guys say that OSUT was really easy compared to RIP to believe it's quite so hard as he makes it sound; if it was, I wouldn't have a chance in hell of making it through RIP.
The funny thing is, the stuff that's really bothering me tonight is stuff like what to bring with me when I ship. In the end I'm sure it's no big deal, but little details really fuck with me. Should I bring index cards to help fold my shirt/underwear? What kind of underwear do they mean? What the hell do I need a comb for if I have no hair? And so on. In trying to find answers to those questions, I've only gotten more worried. Some people say don't bring a damn thing but some toiletries and a change of clothes, while others say bring a ton of extra shit to help with tasks. I really think it depends on where you go and your Drill Sergeants, but I guess in the end I'll simply pack everything--no more, no less--that's on the Infantry OSUT website and hope it's right.
I'm torn between hoping for a really hard platoon to get more PT and hoping for an easy one so I don't get mind-fucked. Maybe a nice middle ground without the potential for major injuries will suffice.
Another thing that's really bothering me is getting to Benning. It's not like I'll have an escort, and I'm always worried I'll fuck up something simple and get in an assload of trouble for it, or look like a total shitbag right off the bat. Wouldn't it be great to miss a flight on your first fucking day in the US Army? That's AWOL. Shit. I just hope I have another recruit coming with me... partially so I don't psych myself out and partially so if something happens I'm not the only one up shit creek.
Many a doubt waltzes through my head in these last few days. I think I'm tough, I think I have a strong mind, and I think I can will myself through really tough shit. But can I? I guess we'll find out.
You see how fucking nervous I am? Christ. I'm off for a drive to relax, then hopefully I can salvage some of the night to sleep.
