Been a While
Yeah, I haven't been posting. I've been busy, and I just never know what to write about.
Today has been really hard so far. I haven't really done anything besides watch a little TV and do my morning load of pushups and other fun calisthenics, but emotionally I've been blasted.
I don't know what causes this, but sometimes I just get sucked into the pain of losing her... it's a real, physical pain I can feel in my chest, and all I wanted to do is die... I hate feeling like this. I would give anything to hear those three words from her mouth, 'I love you,' again, but the way things are going I don't think I ever will. I love Erin so much, I can't even begin to describe it; losing her was losing my best friend, and my true family. She became more my family than anyone related by blood ever was.
I'm trying to move on with my life: I'm throwing myself 100% into training and I'm set on the path to enlistment very firmly now. If things go as planned I'll be shipping sometime next fall. It's a long wait, and I'm kind of scared that once I sign that contract something will happen to make me regret it, and I'll be stuck in a really shitty place. Losing Erin has changed everything in my life, and while if I was still with her I'd sacrifice the military in a second to keep our relationship whole, now that I'm single nothing is holding me back.
For those of you that don't know, while I haven't technically signed my contract yet, I'll be getting an 11X/Airborne/Option 40 contract or I won't be signing shit. So that's the infantry enlistment option, airborne school, and then Ranger Indoctrination Program after airborne. That's where the real fun begins.
